Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
