Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We talked him into tasing himself.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
