"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she peed on how many people?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
