i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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