Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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