mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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