Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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