I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am naked and annoyed.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
