All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
