D3 body, D1 cock
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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