so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
