im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
