drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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