i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize