So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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