i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
