and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
