i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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