I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize