It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
