I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
