i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
