I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
my liver is dry heaving
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
