Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
