my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
