So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
