So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
