We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
