so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
