I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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