I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
