We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
