Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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