so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
