I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
