u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
