the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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