I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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