I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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