So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize