i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm too high and old for this...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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