i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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