I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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