Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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