I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
