i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
