She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
