Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
