heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
