the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
