I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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