When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
