remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
