i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
