The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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