I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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