that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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