I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
