she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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