for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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