ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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