Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
