I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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