I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
