Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
