im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i think my cat just said my name.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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