watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize