I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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