Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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