Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
